Hard Light
by iCheat
Summary: Tony stays up late one night and in a state of sleep deprivation creates extreme confusion for everyone. Just a random little One-shot inspired by a TV show I saw once really late at night. Just for laughs.NOT a Jarvis/Tony fic.


Hard Light

The Avengers hadn't quite made the leap to living in Tony's tower (except Bruce) but they spent most of the day there. Every day. Tony didn't mind and, as long as it didn't interrupt work, Pepper was happy that he was socialising. This, of course, meant they'd all come to accept his ridiculously complex security protocols. They were pretty much warned whenever anyone entered the buildings, and the person was scanned for threats. As such it came as a bit of a surprise to them when a man none of them recognised walked into the kitchen.

The team was gathered around the table, sans Tony who was sleeping in because he'd been up late last night watching TV, when suddenly the man walked in. He was quite tall, wearing a black suit and a red and gold tie that screamed Iron Man. He had neat blond hair that wasn't long but wasn't excessively short either and his eyes looked about the same colour as Tony's arc reactor.

He walked into the room, either unaware or not caring about the host of superheros, went straight to Tony's person coffee machine – which they weren't to touch under any circumstances – brewed the coffee, grabbed the cup and walked out of the room again. The team watched the whole thing in silence having no idea what to make of it. Clint was the first one to speak.

"Is Tony gay?" he asked, "Because that could make things awkward. Natasha hit him over the head.

* * *

"Tony are you OK?" Steve asked once the billionaire finally got up. He was sitting at the bench rubbing his temples with _another_ cup of coffee in front of him.

"I'm fine, I just need to stop watching late night TV," Tony assured, waving him off, "I have to…check something in the workshop. I'll come back up later."

The team, who'd all been pretending to watch TV stared after him as he left the room, mumbling something about 'stabilizing'. They also caught a variety of curse words and something about late night inventing.

* * *

The alarms sounded, which overrode a number of Tony's protocols so that he could talk to the team.

"I'm getting in the suit now, meet you out there," he said, rushing across the workshop.

"Sir," they heard JARVIS say but Tony interrupted.

"No, stay," he commanded, "Don't leave this room, I'm serious."

"Your AI's not going anywhere Stark, get your ass out there!" Fury's voice commanded. Tony responded with something that everyone habitually ignored, but was probably rude.

* * *

Things weren't going well. Well, they were, it was just Doom after all and they knew how to deal with him. They were easily taking out his bots, everyone having ignored when Tony suggested maybe they try to keep at least one whole this time, when the big one came out. There was always a big one. It was routine. Unfortunately this one grabbed Tony as he was flying past.

"System malfunction," Jarvis' voice announce.

"No kidding," Tony gasped, the robot had a tight freaking grip, "Power to the chest repulser."

"Of course sir," Jarvis replied and a blast went through the robots hand.

"He's trying to hack my system," Tony snapped.

"Are you all right?" Steve demanded.

"I'm fine Cap, he just beat up the armour a bit."

"Tony he's got the lock on you," Clint announced, "He's determined to get your suit this time."

"Sir, I'm going to attempt to rewire his mainframe," Jarvis informed them.

"No, I told you to…what are you doing here?!" Tony yelled. The team turned to see the blond man from breakfast standing on the large robots shoulder. There was something different though… Apart from the fact that he was standing on a giant robot peering at its circuit board or whatever. Tony was the one to fully realise the difference.

"Where the Hell did you get guns?" he yelled into the mic.

"Agent Coulson was kind enough to lend them to me," Jarvis answered, "Though he seemed mildly concerned when I leapt out the window."

"You bloody…" Tony started a cursing rant, blowing more robots away from him. They were getting really irritating, "Do you think you could maybe just shut them all down?"

A gun was fired, the bullet flying past Tony's helmet into a robot that'd almost got onto the suit.

"It would be easier if I wasn't worrying about you sir," Jarvis answered. From the teams various vantage points they could see the blond with one gun raised and his other hand delving into the robot. It was very weird. Tony cursed a bit more.

"Watch the head!" he snapped, "I've got the suit just shut them down!"

"Of course sir," came Jarvis' even reply. Rather suddenly all the robots that weren't already destroyed powered down. The blond man agilely climbed down the giant robot and made his way to the ground. Tony landed next to him. Face plate up.

"What are you doing here! We still don't even know for sure if you're stable!" Tony snapped at the man, "It was hardly a reliable source. And how in Hell did you learn to use a gun?!"

"I downloaded a multitude of information and video footage, Sir," the man replied. The team wondered if they should note how weird it was to hear Jarvis' voice coming from a person. A person looking thing. "I have no need to practise."

"Right and why'd you leave the workshop?" Tony demanded.

"To ensure your safety Sir," Jarvis-man replied evenly.

"Tony, what the Hell is this?" Clint asked. Tony rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"This is Jarvis, what's he sound like?" he snapped, "Bloody AI."

"Sir, Miss Potts, is on the line," Jarvis said calmly, "She wishes to know if you are Ok. Shall I call someone to have them retrieve to remaining robots for study?"

"Yes," Tony huffed, "We have to deal with this echo I've got when we get home."

"I do not understand," Thor announced, "Stark, why is your invisible servant no longer invisible?"

"It's complicated," Tony sighed, making a face, "I'll explain back at the tower. I assume you can get back on your own Jarvis?"

"Of course, Sir."

* * *

"Stark what's the big idea?" Fury demanded. Somehow the whole of SHIELD had gotten wind of his humanoid AI and, therefore, a number of them had infested his building. He hated that.

"Your tea Doctor Banner," Jarvis said, putting the tea down next to Bruce who just kept staring at him. He didn't seem to mind.

"You can't just go around creating powerful humanoid robot beings!" Fury continued.

"Oh yes, that's very technical," Tony replied with a roll of his eyes, "Would you stop poking him!"

The SHIELD agent recoiled from Tony's yell. While Jarvis showed no sign of being perturbed by it. Jarvis continued giving the Avengers their drinks. SHIELD agents weren't programmed into the system so they got ignored.

"There's nothing wrong with him!" Tony continued grumpily, "You didn't have any issues with Jarvis beforehand."

"Beforehand he wasn't walking around and wielding weaponry," Fury replied. He was actually the only person who'd gotten past shock and was able to speak.

"Oh come on," Tony rolled his eyes.

"Your drink sir," Jarvis informed him, putting the glass down.

"Jarvis, are you going to turn evil and take over the world?" Tony asked him.

"I should hope not Sir," Jarvis replied, voice as even as always, "Miss Potts would be most annoyed. She would like me to remind you that there is a board of directors meeting tomorrow. You have to go to this one Sir. She also threatened to borrow one of Agent Coulson's Tasers so I would advise against arguing this time."

Tony groaned. A number of jaws dropped. One of the SHIELD agents broke the silence.

"Has he got the three laws of robotics or something as a safety protocol?"

"Oh yes, because it worked out so well in that movie didn't it?" Tony rolled his eyes. Again. "He's still Jarvis, he just has a face now."

"Can he still do everything he did before?" Fury asked.

"Jarvis," Tony sighed, picking up his drink.

"Yes, Director, I can," Jarvis nodded, "I am still part of the system. I can achieve more now though."

"Stark you can't know for sure he won't pose a threat," Fury scowled, clearly not liking talking to person-Jarvis.

"Yes I can," Tony snapped, "Jarvis is still one of my programs human form or not."

"Obviously sir," Jarvis replied, now merely standing by Tony's chair, "And Miss Potts is on her way up to see you."

"Brilliant," Tony groaned. He took a swig of his drink then just stared at it.

"He upgraded himself so that he can fight and wield weapons," Fury snapped, "That makes him a threat."

"Jarvis would you hurt anyone in this room?" Tony asked, not looking up from his drink.

"Of course Sir," Jarvis replied, multiple guns were drawn and pointed at him within moments. He didn't move. Tony rolled his eyes irritably.

"Would you hurt anyone in this room without them provoking you by endangering someone in your protection protocols?" he clarified.

"No sir," Jarvis answered just as evenly as before.

"Protection protocols?" Clint asked.

"Jarvis is programmed for dangerous scenarious," Tony explained, "There's a list of people he should protect in emergencies and a priority setting as well."

"Oh, so we can see who's your favourite," Clint grinned, pulling a gun on Natasha. God knows where he got the gun considering he didn't like using them. Natasha glared at him but knew he wouldn't shoot.

Jarvis didn't move.

"The team's not on your list?" Clint asked, sounding scandilised.

"Of course you are," Tony rolled his eyes, "But not if it's you against each other. How would you ever get any sparring done, stupid? There's a different setting for the Hulk though, sorry Bruce."

"I'd be more annoyed if you didn't have something in place," Bruce shrugged.

Tony was about to reply when the elevator opened. The SHIELD agents raised their guns again. Jarvis stood in front of the elevator with both his guns raised. Pepper stood behind him looking mildly surprised and distinctly irritated.

"Put your weapons down," Fury commanded the agents. They did. So did Jarvis. Then he turned to Pepper.

"My apologies, Miss Potts," he said, guiding her to the table and pulling out her chair for her, "I do hope I didn't startle you."

Pepper watched him, she sat down, and she turned to Tony.

"Why is Jarvis a person?" she demanded.

"Why did he jump in front of all those guns for her?" Clint asked instead.

"Pepper's priority one," Tony replied, giving him a look as though that should have been obvious, "And he's not a person he's a hard-light projection."

"A what?" a number of people asked. Tony groaned. Pepper ignored all of them.

"Why?" she demanded simply.

"Err…"

_**~Flashback~**_

Tony sat in front of the TV, not really watching it. Actually he was looking at the latest Iron Man schematics. The show that was on was old, and _weird_. The parts he watched made almost no sense. It was even more insane then day-to-day life as an Avenger. That made it pretty damn insane. The other thing, Tony was dead tired. His brain had reached that slightly foggy stage where, he was still a genius, but he was even less cautious than normal. The warning lights were turned off. Jarvis had told him to go to bed numerous times already

"Jarvis what is this show?"

"_Red Dwarf,_ Sir."

"It's really weird."

"Indeed, Sir."

Tony sits and watches it for a moment, schematics forgotten. He doesn't know the characters names, but at one point on of them said they were a holograph. One of the others has a really square head. Then there was the one with fangs and the human one. Yeah, weird. He sat and watched it none the less. His foggy brain informed him that some of the technology ideas were cool. If he'd been less sleep deprived they would've made him laugh at their ridiculousness.

Sitting and watching the show someone updated the holograph and called it 'hard-light'. A solid holograph. That was ridiculous. He was already half way to the workshop.

"Jarvis, we're starting a new project!" Tony announced loudly.

"Sir, I really think you should…"

"Project Jarvis!" Tony interrupted, "We're about to give you the best update of our lives!"

"Of course Sir," Jarvis replied. Tony imagined if he could he would've sighed. This made Tony burst into hysterics. He soon would be able to.

_**~End Flashback~**_

"…I'd really rather not talk about it," Tony muttered, "Jarvis! Delete video feed from last night!"

"Already done sir," Jarvis replied, collecting empty glasses from around the table, "Would you like me to cancel the order?"

"…no," Tony muttered. He was probably going to get more ridiculous idea's from that show. He'd told Jarvis to order the complete series last night.

"Very well, Sir," Jarvis nodded, "Would you like a drink Miss Potts."

"No, I'm fine," Pepper sighed with a shake of her head, "Could everyone clear out though? I have Stark Industries business to discuss."

"That will not make them leave," Tony pointed out.

The elevator doors opened however, along with lights guiding the way to them.

"I have informed your drivers that you will be down soon," Jarvis said casually, "I would advise using the elevator as it is a rather long way down. I imagine taking all those stairs would be a bit tiring."

A few people stared at him for the barely concealed threat while he loaded the dishwasher. Pepper merely sighed and pulled out a few sheets of paper. The Avengers each went off to do their own thing.

"It's from your side of the family you know," Tony said to Pepper. Pepper rolled her eyes.

"Sir, I regret to inform you that if we were a family most would consider you the child," Jarvis called from the kitchen.

"Maybe having a body made him just a little evil," Tony said quietly. Pepper laughed and shoved papers in front of him.

* * *

**Sorry, I have no idea where this came from. Hope you got a laugh from it though. R&R. Please tell me if you notice any typos so I can fix them.  
I own nothing!**


End file.
